بہت خوب سعادت ، انسانی نفسیات کو سمجھنے والے اس افسانے سے بہت متاثر ہوں گے ، مناسب الفاظ اور مناسب ترتیب اور بہت ہی عمدہ آغاز و انجام، بہت خوب ۔ ۔ اللہ آپ کے زور قلم کو مزید ترقی دے

آخر میں پہنچنے تک میرا خیال تھا کہ (جاری ہے) لکھا ہو گا

Tell us why he killed himself.

Awesome story, man. Awesome.

But six bullets in the chamber, one discharged. Why were there four left?

I know it must be ticking you off that none of us understood what you wrote. But it was engrossing. I can hear the heartbeats in my ears!

@ Mahwash, did he really kill himself? What would make his brother look around; ‘confused’ if the dead body was right there?

Saadat, explain!

(We are such spoil sports, aren’t we?)

wow…beautiful story. very well written but yea why did he kill himself

tatolaa ٹٹولا sounds like its plural for ….. hahahaha
on a more serious note, tight story. When i was 18, i had a plan for life, i figured id party till i was 45 and then id shoot myself!

Hmm. Apparently, my experiment with a somewhat open ending did fairly well.

اظہرالحق،
افسانے کو پسند کرنے اور حوصلہ افزائی کرنے کا بہت شکریہ۔

ڈفر،
ایک طرح سے تو یہ جاری ہی ہے۔

Mahwash,
Did he? (His suicide note hints very slightly on the reason behind his decision.)

Specs,
Thank you! And by the way, you did understand it! Yes, there’s no dead body in the car, but there’s no revolver either. Maybe the missing bullet is still in the chamber for, uh, future use.

Karachiwali,
Thanks! (Though I wouldn’t use the word ‘beautiful’ for it!) And nope, he didn’t kill himself… at least not in the car.

Farooq,
That’s exactly the kind of plan an 18-year old can come up with!

very beautiful story

farooq is still capable of coming up with such plans
as for the story being beautiful, i meant its very beautifully written

hmmm…got me reading till the end…

Shekari,
Thank you.

Karachiwali,
Ah, right. Thanks again. And yes, I am sure Farooq is very capable. Over-capable, in fact!

UTP,
*smiles and nods*

بہت شاندار افسانہ۔ یہ جملہ تو بہت ہی اعلٰی ہے:

ہمیشہ کی طرح وہ ریوالور اپنے اندر ایک عجیب سا تاثر سموئے ہوئے تھا، جیسے وہ اپنی قوت کا ادراک رکھتا ہو اور اپنے ارد گرد موجود ہر چیز کا مضحکہ اڑا رہا ہو۔

I need to brush up on my urdu skills. Aaaah. I couldn’t get past the first two lines.

Care to give us a summary in English?

Saadat… that was a fantastic read but it has left me so confused and curious. I have a list of question and while going through the comments, it turned out Specs has already asked them… though, hm, I’ve to ask how did the four bullets manage to come out of the chamber… ? I’ve never touched a revolver.. I touched it once but it was so heavy I couldn’t hold it for long.

A very good short story!!

OOOOOH!

Its getting awesome-r by the minute!

You gotta publish this story in a magazine or something, man!

کہانی میں جس طرح آپ نے روانی رکھی، وہ قابل تعریف ہے۔ بہت خوب!

Okay, so he didn’t kill himself … in the car anyway … yet the bullets were less and the story ends with a suicide note?

I did venture a guess for a moment.. that he chickened out. Began playing with the bullets at the palm of his hand and ended up sleeping on the car seat, drooling on his shirt, until he was found.

But then I thought … he’s too twisted to not be suicidal. He has his entire death planned and organized in his mind. If he chickens out now, he’s a wimp who likes to think he can conquer death – but really, all he does is tiptoe around it. That’s a fake kinda masochism you see? The real masochist is the guy who tortures himself into ideas of death until he finally gives in.

Anyway.. so he lived.. or didn’t … but is a wimp.

Hmm.

Power to your pen, Saadat. Write more but in English this time please. I had to give twice the effort to read it in that Urdu font (can’t we have Nastaaliq next time?)

ابو شامل،
ایک صحافی کی جانب سے ملنے والی اس پذیرائی کے لیے بے حد ممنون ہوں.

Purpledrifter,
I am so sorry. I always think that I’ll ruin it if I try to explain my Urdu writings in English. It can be summarised, though, as the story of a man who decided to commit suicide and then chickened out. The story ends on a confusing note and does not explicitly tell whether he ended his life.

Hina,
Thank you! And yes, you should stay away from revolvers. The bullets were out of their chambers because he himself took them out. Probably he thought that that would help him in taking his own life by not wanting to waste the single bullet in his revolver.

Specs,
It is? That’s good to know! And, well, yeah, maybe I will.

عامر راز،
بہت شکریہ. مجھے خوشی ہے کہ کہانی آپ کو پسند آئی.

Mahwash,
I knew you would come up with a brilliant explanation of his personality. Yes, he is a fake masochist. And yes, he is a wimp as well, abandoning his own plan at the very last minute. But who knows, he might rebound later. Or maybe he could repeat the same stuff again and, well, chicken out again as well. Oh, and the story ended with the suicide note just to keep the ending open.

As for Urdu fonts, have you installed the fonts that I have mentioned here? Nastaliq fonts do exist but they are not as nastaliq as one would like them to be, and the ones that do have the right cursive grace… well, they simply bring the system down on its knees (that is why I use Nastaliq only for headings).

The name of this article should rather have been AAGHAAZ, as it shows a new life for the young man, and i really appreciate the ending, which is actually the start.

Tarre zameen per was something that highlighted problems in younger children, but this is something more grave, in youth, and the writing is so apt that it takes 10 minutes in lieu of the hours to be allocated for a movie, luv u man for the ending specially

and would anyone beleive the writer of such a serious nature would watch pg-13 movies with me , well, it actually happened.

Saadat, maybe it’s because I’ve just returned from the university after 5 hours of talking punch-lines and dramatic flair that my mind has shut down a bit or maybe I’m technologically challenged, but the Urdu font installer thingy went wayyyyyy over my head. I shall give it a looksee again soon and try my hand at it.

So he really was a wimp eh? Write a sequel. Kill the idiot next time, heh.

Amazing made me want to read on, the open is quite thought provoking and same goes with the suicide note, speaks volumes Sometimes a few words can say a lot. The post made me want to actually start writing in urdu for once the language has such depth and purity !

Talha,
Haven’t seen Taare Zameen Par, man, so I can’t really say anything in this regard. By the way, it’s not the aaghaz, but ikhtitam for sure. Also, I never pictured him as a “youth” in my mind; for me he is/was in his late twenties or early thirties. I am curious what made you think of a youth. But anyway, thanks for the appreciation, man!

Oh, and that “PG-13″ movie is arguably one of the best movies to explore human psychology. “When the chips are down, these, uh… civilized people, they’ll eat each other.”

Mahwash,
Oh, I don’t know, the idiot might have killed himself already by now. And check your email about Urdu fonts.

Sana,
Thank you, I am glad you liked it. And I am even more glad that it made you want to write in Urdu. Urdu sure is a wonderful language… just neglected by its own speakers.

*distracted*

You saw the Dark Knight! Yay!

i cant help myself to stop saying that, it was wicked, really. if u are ready for tanqeed?
no doubt it was awesome the way u picture it and selection of words are also more then just better, but u lack inspiration in it. the only unpleasant thing i found is inspiration. in today’s world all of us are already getting through of numerous unwanted things which we do not wanna see so often, n u know no one wanna see this guy around. anyway i hope u would take it with gusto.

Mahwash,
Yep, I finally did! I am practising Batman’s throaty voice and Joker’s eccentric accent these days.

Karl,
Good to see you after a long time. And no, I certainly don’t mind tanqeed, so bring it on. However, to be honest, I couldn’t really understand what you meant by lack of inspiration. I mean, the story is about a man who is going to commit suicide (or not), and I really hope that that does NOT inspire people. If, however, you are saying that there’s no positive element in the story, then yes, it is kinda morbid; suicide stories are rarely cheerful.

I think what Karl meant was that you werent high! You have to be high to write a good work of art!
*looks the other way*

it’s funny, but this urdu type speaks out. while reading i actually felt the geo-bot was narrating the story in my head. While reading nastaleeq i sometimes hear zia mohyuddin :S

Actually i don’t think he does kill himself after leaving the car. i think that one of the reasons for planning such a dramatic suicide was to get the attention he probably never recieved when he was alive. His death would be one last, egomaniacal laugh at the world.
Now the whole ‘plan’ is nakaam, he’ll hide around the city and try to find an even more theatrical way of making a reappearance. After, of course, ascertaining how much his family and friends are suffering and letting his ego do the salsa on a moonlit night.

Farooq,
Haha! Hopefully then, I’ll never write a good work of art!

Hira,
Yours is another interesting explanation of his personality. I have to admit, I am enjoying how everybody is dissecting every bit of him!

By the way, Geo-bot?! I wonder if you have the fonts installed; I’ll be interested in knowing who you hear while reading Urdu text in Nafees Web Naskh.

im waiting for the sequel saadat

The afsana was surely great, loved how urdu flowed (we can’t seem to speak it without adding English in it these days) but I got confused with all the why’s! (all the why’s people have already discussed)

Karachiwali,
Er, I am not too sure if a sequel will come, but who knows.

Ordinary Girl,
Spoken Urdu sure is very distorted these days. I sometimes consciously force myself to use no English while speaking, and it gets quite difficult. But anyway, thanks for finding the story great. As for all the why’s, people have already suggested some interesting answers (as you noticed).

سعادت، بہت اچھا لکھا ہے۔

شکریہ، ماوراء۔

Dada ne tohfey mein revolver kyun dia? :$ Asli wala revolver dia?

*recites Inna Lillah*

Very well-written! I enjoyed reading most of your posts.

ab koee naya post hojayay!

Dinky Mind,
Yep, asli wala revolver. Dadas have this habit of giving some achhutay gifts.

Tabz,
Thank you! And welcome to Ulta Seedha.

Farooq,
Soon. When I am able to write something coherent enough to call it ulta seedha!

Chharray wala hoga

btw, nice story

New post?

Assalam U Alaikum Chotey Bhai:

Beautifully written and quite a discussion to follow.

If he lived, as is the inference, I say he is not a wimp. It takes more than a wimp to decide to live and face up to life. It takes sustained courage and the confidence that one does indeed have that courage, and will have it day after day after day. It takes cowardice of an extra ordinary nature to turn back on the challenges of life, on those who love one, and on those who have put their faith in one – and bolt from it all leaving the world at large to fend for itself.

Pulling a trigger takes a moment of courage – if at all we might call it courage. Then again, if your protagonist failed to even muster that momentary courage, perhaps it won’t be long before he starts smoking himself to death.

Hi, do drop in at my ghareeb-khana

very well written…..there is a nice flow in ur afsana…..also u used the words really wisely….
keep it up

بہت اعلیٰ سعادت۔۔۔ کمال کردیا۔۔۔۔ نفسیات کو مدنظر رکھتے ہوئے افسانہ پر مکمل گرفت رکھی ہے۔

Dinky Mind,
Charay walay revolver ka woh achaar daalta? And thanks.

Purpledrifter,
Sigh. Soon. I hope.

Bhaijan,
Wa-alikum-us-salam, and thank you.

I agree with you. I also think that facing what the world is throwing at you requires more courage than pulling the trigger. However, as you also noticed, he might just find another “less courageous” way to die, given the way he thinks. I mean, he plans his death in an almost flawless manner, then steps back at the very last moment… probably just giving a false hope to himself that if he tries again, he will succeed (against either suicide or the factors which made him plan his own death).

Aamir,
Done.

YWB,
Thank you!

عمار،
بہت شکریہ۔ نفسیات سے متعلق میرا علم بس نیم حکیمی سا ہی ہے۔

Waiting for another, simpler story Write something that I could understand easily :$

Dinky Mind,
Another story will have to wait. Meanwhile, you can upgrade your dinky mind.

Saadat Hassan Manto reloaded se mil kar kushi hoi.

Oswa Maryam,
Manto kay sath mera moazana karna uss bay-charay kay saath ziyadati hee hai, laikin phir bhi, buhat shukriya!

سب سے پہلے معذرت سعادت صاحب کہ آپ کا اتنا خوبصورت بلاگ اتنے دنوں تک میری نظروں سے اوجھل رہا، افسوس۔ اور پھر یہ کہ صاحب اردو کو تھوڑی سی، فقط تھوڑی سی اور توجہ دیں، بخدا آپ کا انگریزی طررِ تحریر بہت خوبصورت ہے، لیکن آپ اعلیٰ پائے کہ اردو اہلِ قلم بھی ہیں، اور خوبصورت افسانے تخلیق کر رہے ہیں، امید ہے کہ اردو میں لکھتے رہیں گے۔

والسلام

وارث صاحب،
حوصلہ افزائی کا بے حد شکریہ۔ اردو میں زیادہ نہیں لکھ پاتا، جس کا مجھے بھی افسوس ہے۔ کوشش البتہ جاری ہی رہتی ہے۔

یہ افسانہ بھی بہت اچھا ہے، اور آخر میں مرکزی کردار کے خود کشی کرنے کے باعث اور بھی اچھا ہو گیا ہے

Spook,
لیجیے۔ آپ نے تو قصہ ہی ختم کر ڈالا!